Sleep Texting

Ryan sent this insanely crazy text to one of his friends last week....a girl he met at BYU Chinese camp two summers ago. He and these two girls were hanging out almost every weekend...but then they graduated from High School early and both started at BYU in January. The two girls had a bit of a fight a couple of weeks ago...I think Ry was bugged by it? And that they've been too busy to spend the amount of time together that they used to...he is also clearly distressed by the Mark Twain book he has to read for English......But I digress.
HE SENT THIS TEXT WHILE HE WAS ASLEEP. Seriously. And a bunch of the words were written in Chinese....I've put English translations in ( )... Here goes:

"Bekah i just have sooo much ai (love) for you in my linghuun (soul) or xin (heart) i don't remember which. I just feel like there is this large ocean rift of something bad like macaroni salad rushes in waves between us but wait vampires have no fluids so maybe it is tomato juice or large poufs of marshmallow taffy where I walk but oh no my foot is stuck help i can't get it out but any ways it is a large crevice where small asian children rhythmically jump out and say to you bekah! And then they jump back in but oops they forgot to say how much ryan misses you so with a skip and a jump they hop back in the crevice. And i want you and shayn and me to go to sam wellers book store and have everything be peaches and cream and we will all be the zui hao (best )of pengyous (friends) again like nothing has changed.
but hopefully nothing has changed bekah michelle nothing has changed because sometimes the world is odd and pushes down on the stretching cat in the sun life but the cat still has animal magnetism so everything is ok. Nigger baby! says mark twain in a novel i must read for english. Moving on.
Bekah is a remarkable person. And I never want to stop being pengyous (friends) with her. or shayn. They came together in a package. Because i love them so much it makes me want to gush flowing streams of Rainbows and Butterflies. but i don't so no. sorry. i can't. find your own R and B. and now everything is fine it is just difficult sometimes to sort through the convolution. THE END."

Wow. Just wow. We have laughed ourselves silly over this one. He now puts his phone out of reach before he falls asleep :)