Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Maudlin...again...



Pardon me while I indulge in a little more "Waaa I miss my Jillian" whining. Yep, we have cell phones. And email. Thank goodness! But I miss her face. I miss her voice. I miss listening to her play the piano. I miss the constant interaction that we had...I could always count on her being there; to talk about her day, to listen about mine. To run here or there, to bring me a drink from Harts, to go shopping with, to fix my ipod...the list goes on. I still feel this empty sucking hole in my soul where she should be...does that make sense? My dear friend Joy reminded me to keep breathing, and truly that is the best advise I've been given, because about twice a day it hits me that she's not going to walk in the door any minute and I seriously DO stop breathing for a second.
However. I DON'T miss her shoes everywhere. Her room being a mess. Her purse dropped on the couch or table...hmmm...now that I think about it...(just kidding Jill)
I love that she still calls me every day...I love that she's relishing her classes and truly appreciates the opportunity she has to LEARN and GROW. And she does. So many of her friends had to postpone college due to money issues or whatever. This was such a hard step for her to take, and I'm so proud of her for following through and grabbing the opportunity and going for it even though it's scary. And lonely.
Whenever my mom wanted to "guilt" us into doing something, or remind us of what we owed her, or what we meant to her she would say "I carried you under my heart for nine months.....!!!" It became somewhat of a joke in the family...and now I use it (sparingly and usually on Tyler) when I'm trying to make a point. But now I'll say it to my Jillian...I carried you under my heart for nine months...and you're still IN my heart forever even though you're far away.
And yeah, yeah, we've aged. Good Grief. The first picture was taken when Jill was 6 weeks old (Jan 1990) the second on her 18th birthday (Dec 2007)She, however, has aged beautifully!!

4 comments:

frontporchfriend said...

It's only natural that you're still feeling empty inside...it's been less than two weeks since she left. I promise it does get better, but you will ALWAYS, ALWAYS miss her. Remember how lucky our girls are to be having the experiences they are, and dwell on that! Stay strong!

Lilian said...

"I still feel this empty sucking hole in my soul where she should be...does that make sense?"

It makes perfect sense!

Hang in there Kara!!!

angie said...

I'm sorry :( I had a lot of the same feelings when my kids started going to their dad's house all the time. Especially because once they walked out my door I had no control of the situations they were in. It's really hard. I feel like I should start singing "chin up, chin up... everyone loves a happy face" from Charlotte's Web. (don't ask why that song popped into my head. i must be disturbed... lol)

Karalee said...

Thanks all...I really am so happy for where she is and what she's doing. I'm SO lucky that she calls me every day, emails etc. Much easier than a missionary that's for sure!
And now I'M singing "chin up.." Hee. Thanks Angie : )